Egyptian Storywriting

In English, we have been continuing to work on story openings. As an end of unit write, we asked the children to write an exciting beginning to an Egyptian story. Here’s Harriet’s great effort.

The haunted pyramid

 

A tall, handsome man walked to the entrance of the pyramid. He wore muddy, brown trousers; a black long- sleeved shirt; and a grey base-ball cap. He stopped just before the pyramid’s big, wide entrance, adjusted his dirty explorer bag to the right size, and went in.

When he got around the first corner, all he (Carlos Velessa) could hear was the echo of his clumpy, hiking boots. Carlos was brave but sometimes he just wished that he was back home.   In a French accent Carlos muttered,

“Wow, this place is amazing.”

Clutching tightly, Carlos held his flash light in his sweaty hand. He walked around the next corner, thinking it would never end. The torches which were on the wall burning with fire, made Carlos feel as if one of them was going to grab him and pull him into it. Finally, he could see the door leading to the gleaming treasures waiting for him to reach them.

“All I have to do is cross this bridge –which looks like it will break any minute- then I’m at my destination,” scared Carlos told himself. Slowly and carefully, Carlos tiptoed over the creaky bridge; he was nearly half way there when suddenly, the lights went out. The door the golden treasures closed.

“Oh no!” Carlos shouted. “What’s happened?”.

All of a sudden, a cold, bony finger ran across his face. Carlos shivered and looked around. It was so dark that Carlos had to squint to see; behind him stood an old mouldy skeleton.

“Eeeeek!” Carlos screeched.

Poor Carlos tried to get away but the dirty old skeleton tightened his arms around him. As Carlos tried to struggle away, parts of the bridge were breaking.

“I need to get out!” Carlos shouted to himself, “The bridge is falling!”

Scared, Carlos tried so hard to get away from the horrible, dirty skeleton; it was clinging so hard to him. Suddenly, the old bridge fell. It was crashing into little pieces. When Carlos landed, on his back, the skeleton had gone; he had been badly hurt. How was he going to get out?

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