Hansel & Gretel – What actually happened
Hi my name is Miss Whitehart, but for some odd reason everyone calls me a witch. It’s only because I’m old, I just don’t get it. If you ask me I’m a very kind person, I even give sweets from my gingerbread house to well behaved children who walk past. If they are not well behaved I give myself a treat. Well not really a treat, just dinner.
The naughtiest of all children I ever saw were two vile scums Hansel and Gretel (cue wicked music please). Anyway, back to the story. It all started when on a bright sunny day in, well I can’t remember exactly, but sometime in May. I was coming home from the grocery store (just doing my weekly shop) when I found these two children eating my house,(I know, I will repeat eating my house). I mean what did they think they were doing going round someone’s house then eating the door? (I know, I now deserved compensation). The children looked awful, they were both wearing bright green trousers and an orange shirt and honestly they needed to go on a diet. The ginger bread house was all over their faces.
“Nibble little mousey, come in to my housie”.
Why, why, why did I have to say such idiotic rhyme? I didn’t mean it, it just blurted out of my mouth.
“Please Miss can we have some more?” said the two
“MORE? YOU WANT MORE?”
“Yes Miss, we do” said the cunningly enthusiastic children.
“Poor things you must need a drink, it’s boiling hot out here, I’ve got candy brandy, gingerbread squash and sugerade, what would you like?”
“Um, please Miss can I have candy brandy?” said the fat chubby girl.
“And can I have sugerade?” said the boy with gingerbread in his hair.
I looked at my watch and I saw it was getting a bit late. I told the children to go settle down in the spare bedroom on their left. As soon as I went to bed I smelt this burning smell. I did not know where it was coming from. I crept through the corridor and up the elevator and guess what, my house was on fire! I mean literally on fire. Steam started coming out of my ears and my face went bright red. The children were gone. I thought to myself, “By the time I get them they are SOOOO DEAD!!!!.
I wooshed up into the clouds on my broom, in search of those little, idiotic midgets, awww I was so angry.
I saw the little idiots running, they had my pet cat Bobby, I wooshed down and said,
“I’m calling the police!”
And they replied saying
“Oh you witchy, you’re a snitch.”
Now they were making up stupid jokes. I got my comb and turned it into a forest full of dark trees and big thorny bushes.
“I’m getting you now!” I screamed.
But to my amazement they some how got away. NO NO NO!
A few minutes later I remembered something. I still had my ribbon. I quickly grabbed it out of my magic bag and threw it onto the ground. It turned into a vast stream spreading miles. Surely that would do it.
Why!! This stupid old troll who lived under a bridge lent them a boat. If you ask me he did not look very nice at all. He bellowed at a goat (Rude!).
Finally I used my cunning plan, I would turn my stone into a mountain but not just any mountain, a mountain that would be the biggest in the world and I would call it Mount Everest. The police were on their way.
They started climbing up the mountain like two fat tired pigs; they did not go that fast at all. Aha, there was no troll to help them now so they were doomed!!!
The mountain police caught them when they were half way up. They were sent to midget prison for ten years. I called my lawyer to sue. I also got Bobby back and lived happily ever after…
P.S I never trusted children again.
Meaning of my story: I wanted to make the reader feel sympathy for the witch because in every fairy tale story it’s always the witch or wolf that is bad, but we never get to see the wolf’s or witch’s side of the story.